The not-so-golden years

One of the saddest things when you live in the Western world is the old people in it. Especially, NZ is a haven for golden oldies, as its much warmer than say UK or many other European countries. So the proportion of aged population is quite high here.

This is probably the reason for this post of mine. Yesterday, when I was driving back home after work, I saw a bent old woman (could be a man, can't be sure as he/she was so heavily bundled up to protect against the Southerlies) walking down. She was so bent by herself, and the two shopping bags she carried in her hand probably only added to the weight. I felt really saddened by that sight. Such an old person, still having to do everything herself.

Its a bad thing in the Western world, where everyone is so busy, they have hardly any time for even their own parents, however old and bent they may be. Give me the Indian system any day, I thought.

And then I thought again. The Indian system? The one in which, theoritically at least, the grown-up children took care of their parents? That may still exist, but only for the lucky parents. Or the rich parents.

And I thought again, of a certain old lady. Mrs S is now old and lives in India. She had many children and some of them are no more. Some live overseas and the remaining four live in India, but in different cities to Mrs S.

Till a few years ago, Mrs S and her husband (who is now no more) lived along with one of their daughters, whose husband was no more. The daughter, Mrs T, and her two children, who had lived with Mrs and Mr S for many years, were able to take care of the aged Mr S, till his death even, along with Mrs S, who was then not too old.

But as time passed, Mrs T's children grew up and went away to different cities and had families of their own. And so, Mrs T was torn between her mother (Mrs S) and her children. Even now, it is she who lives with and takes care of her mother. But it is at the cost of time with her children.

When things get too much for her, or when some of her siblings wash their hands off their mother, her cry is: Can I not even spend time freely with my two children. Everyone else is doing it. Is this asking for too much? How long do I have to bear this responsibility?

But her heart and conscience do not allow her to abandon the old Mrs S all alone. And her children support her decision to stay with her mother, although it is very hard on them not to be able to spend time with their only parent. For their grandmother's need is greater than theirs.

In a way, Mrs S is luckly. At least she has some family with her.

But I can still remember a place called Annai Illam that is near my mom's house in Chennai. So many old people, mostly women, living in that shabby place, and subsisting on charity. They are the victims of a daily tsunami that most people miss. Hence, there is no one doing much for them.

I have heard of other families, where the children have threatened their old parents, asking for their share of the family wealth.

So, is our Indian way or people really superior? In many cases, materialism and selfishness puts paid to an excellent theory of taking care of the old and ailing. Most of them are as busy and uncaring as their Western counterparts.

I wonder what others think. Do let me know. As for me, I can think only about the story of the tin bowl. (in my next post)